The All About Dating and Relating Blog

Little Red Riding Hood Experiences Internet Dating “I am not a fair weather friend”… said the wolf to Little Red Riding Hood, as he slipped his arm around her shoulders and handed her a cup of tea…

Karley seemed surprised and angry at her own foolishness for falling for her latest boyfriends smooth lines. She was a sophisticated, well educated and and an attractive woman, not yet fifty years of age.

She opted for therapy after being distraught over her bad luck with dating men in her local area. This was not the first female patient that had expressed her disdain for the games that men play in the game of dating online.

Perhaps more than many therapists, I address women’s perspectives on these issues not only of dating, but the new-age processes of Internet dating, sex and love. I am not convinced that the problem is specific to any specific locale (many of those interviewed for this article live nation wide). It seems that in our 21st century world of dating, these issues of the search for a soul-mate, lust, and the perfect partner run rampant and can happen from Peoria to Paris.

First and foremost, women are complaining about several major repeated patterns of behavior seen in many of the men they have met. Listed below are the major offenders as stated by many of the women interviewed for purposes of this topic, dating, sex and intimacy.

The major dating offenses:

1. The man has chronic predictable ADHD. He loves dating you, almost as much as he loves being back on the dating sites seducing other gullible women.

2. Women are not the only ones who lie about their ages. That is a big mistake. A fifty year old man, can put a younger picture up, but in real life, he is still fifty, while the picture he put up may be when he was 30.

3. By the time we reach 40 (and often younger), we have baggage. Some of that baggage may include ex’s. Though it is fine to discuss ex’s, when it becomes a major source of conversation, and he is constantly complaining, he may be sending you a controlling message. “She did this to me, so don’t you think about it.” Might be time to move on.

4. “these guys can’t even follow through, they take you on a date, tell you how crazy they are about you, and then don’t call back for a week, while having “coffee dates” with other women…. all the while having made a date with you for the upcoming weekend.

As a single woman myself, I have kissed a pond-ful of frogs. The key question here is…..WHY DO PEOPLE FAIL OUR EXPECTATIONS OF THEM???? And that is exactly what they do, because we set ourselves up for these disappointments!!!!!! People are people are people……thats right….we are humans with human frailties. We all err at times and fail ourselves and others.

In our new cyber-world of “internet dating”……we as women have to be, …and by the way………this is not an if, or a maybe, but absolutely a mandate that we “MUST BE” vigilant in our survival instincts!!!!!!! In other words….you must be discerning in your choices and stand firm with them, no matter how smooth the talker is on the other end. If your instincts say this is wrong, then this *is* wrong.

Would you scatter money away haphazardly, or give away your most valued possessions to just any old person that passed your way? Of course not!!!!!!! Then I ask, why are we as women…so often giving away our most precious belonging….our essence and soul energy. Thats right…..your essence…..that which makes up the core of who you know yourself to be, including your sense of self, self-esteem, loving heart, and even your physical life force. Your energy. Your very soul.

If the local men are acting like “boys with their toys”…living their second childhoods all over again, why must we be susceptible to their fragile egos and acting out adolescent behaviors???????

The question that is posed to me daily regarding how to find the “perfect partner” is often raised, the answer lies in loving and respecting yourself-first. On the subject of sex, love and your body, you can never truly give to another, what you have not accepted for yourself. If you don’t have love for yourself, there is no real love to emit.

Grabbing onto and keeping this type of self-awareness means that, ‘you are aware of what the boundaries and pitfalls of internet dating entails’. You’re give physical, energetic, emotional, mental, soul-level, and spiritual aspects of your being, while maneuvering through this cyber-space world of the dating and mating process. Why not guard against the dangerous curves in the icy highways of relationships?

Ultimately you are responsible for taking responsibility for your own safety and growth. So even if the big bad wolf…..slips you that slippery and slimy cup of tea, it is up to you to decide if you want to go down that path! As they say….”IF YOU DON’T STAND FOR SOMETHING….YOU’LL FALL FOR ANYTHING….little Red Riding Hood.

Filed under: Relationships