That First Date for Youngsters
When our kids get ready to start dating then I don’t know who is more nervous, you or them! You are worried about them making a fool of themselves or maybe even getting themselves hurt by staying out late in the dark etc or being led astray by their date. They are nervous about how to deal with everything, and how to act. Your fears are something you are old enough to deal with by yourself, but spend some time with the youngster to talk them through what to expect and how to act, this will take away some of their nerves and they will know you are on their side.
I am sure that your son would love to do the whole date alone, and you should give him the impression he is, but at some point he is going to need to ask for help. Unless he has bags of money for a taxi or wants to ‘impress’ his date by taking the bus, then he is going to have to come to you for a lift, take the pressure out of it by asking him first if he wants a lift rather than him having to ask you.
You don’t want your young guy to go on the first date and either be too pushy or expect too much. Kids need to learn that things take time and the best piece of advice you can give him is that he should just have fun and show his date his true self. Let him know that if he can just make a good impression now then the next dates will be a lot more relaxed and he can work for that first kiss then.
To get past the first date nerves then you could suggest to him that he organises a group date. This means that both he and his date will feel more comfortable and will be able to get to know each other without all the pressure. Having said that though it is important you let them know that they should be staying with their date while out. Not slipping off with their friends to have fun and then wiping out the whole concept of a ‘date’.
Of course the idea of a group date may not appeal to him as he may be afraid that other kids will try and talk to his date and steal her away from him. There are simple solutions to this, give her a present at the start of a date, like a flower for her hair or something else people will see. Not only will this endear her to him for the present, but it marks her as his date so that all the other kids know and stay away.
Maybe he still wants to go with just her, well to relieve some of the pressure he can try different activities that will take away some of the need to find things to say. If he takes her for a bite to eat and then a movie he will be doing something together and giving them both something to talk about and do together, but without having the whole date filled with them trying to talk about stuff. Or maybe bowling, this gives them both something to focus on and a bit of competition as well which is a great way to break the ice.
We often think of dates as meals at a restaurant, they have so often been portrayed that way in films and on TV. Until he gets more experience try and get him to steer away from such a formal date, until he has the skills to make it a success. If he likes the idea of taking her out for food though he could take her to a food court in a mall, that way the atmosphere is less formal and he still gets to be the gentleman and buy the food.
At the end of the date, expectations should be kept minimal. The young man should know that a kiss may not be proper with a first date situation. He should be encouraged to walk her to the door and do all the polite things but it would be entirely understandable if her mom or dad came out to greet the kids so a nice handshake or hug good night is plenty. But if she leans in to kiss his cheek, he should be well coached to hang that cheek out there and accept that kiss.
Once they have been out once then they can start to relax and romance will blossom, then he will be satisfied that she likes him and they can start to turn into lovesick teenagers, it is just that very first date he needs to master if he wants to start a lasting relationship.
Filed under: Dating